Home
by chele20035
Summary: It's time for him to come home. Everlark. Toast!babies. Warnings... mention of depression, fighting and a lot of making up.
I need to thank my usual suspects, notanislander, norbertsmom, kleeklutch and my maria. Thank you ladies!

There are some warnings here- depression, and a little bit of fighting along with a lot of making up…

* * *

"Damn it," I swear as I drop the bag of groceries.

"Mama, why did you say 'damn it'?"

"Ella Rose, baby, I asked you not to repeat that word." I scramble to pick up the cans of peas rolling across the walk after I set the carrier that holds her six-month-old little brother down.

Her sweet little four-year-old face threatens to scrunch with the rebuke. "Me sorry, Mama."

"It's ok bug. Help me, ok?"

Her grin is the only thing that brightens my days anymore. I'm also a little envious of how quick she is to help when all I want to do is go to bed and never leave it again. We finally make it into the house. She runs off to check on her toys while I get Toby out. His slobbery smirk makes my heart glad to be his mom.

It's their first week of preschool and while her brother just wants to nurse, Ella thinks all of her toys will be gone when she gets home. I guess that's what happens when Daddy doesn't come home anymore, one doesn't expect much of anything after that.

Toby is already digging in my uniform blouse when Ella comes running back to me. "Mama!" She has her stuffed bunny in her arms, the one she cried for all the way to the center. "Bunny is safe!"

I try to smile. I think my lips actually turn up this time because she is beaming at me. "I told you."

She ducks her little head, full of light brown curls. Her hair isn't the same shade as mine yet, but her eyes are all her father's. Carolina blue sky, right after the sun comes up. "Me know, Mama."

I crouch down next to her and open up my arm. "Give me some love?"

Her smile is back and she reaches for us. She must squeeze her brother too hard because he grunts in protest. She lets go, and kisses him on the head.

"Lets eat?" I ask. She nods, and I add, "Go wash your hands."

She runs to the bathroom while I set the table. We were running late, so I grabbed a sandwich out of the deli. It won't be the same as what we could have gotten at the bakery, but it will be a long time before I go there.

I get Toby settled on my lap and while he nurses, we eat. When I realize how quiet everyone is, my guilt hits me. Before Toby, I would have supper on the table at five. It was never any of this not eating until six or even seven on some nights. It's time to look at that crock pot recipe book again.

By the time I get Toby started on my other breast, there is a heavy knock on the kitchen door. "It's Daddy!" Ella rose exclaims, clearly excited, even though he's been coming by every evening for the past two weeks.

When I see the shock of blond curls above the café curtain hanging over the window, I say, "Go ahead and answer the door."

Of course, Toby has stopped nursing and has lifted himself up so he can see too. Ella greets him with a giggle, and not for the first time in my life, it makes me feel guilty.

My husband, who walked out of this house well over a month ago is standing in my kitchen. He stands there, holding our wiggling daughter while a bright red flush colors his entire face. It's not until our son brushes my naked breast that I'm still holding for him to finish, that I realize the source of Peeta's red face.

I roll my eyes, and guide Toby back so he can finish. My silver eyes meet his as he grunts, wanting up instead. "You better finish, little boy, then you can eat some applesauce and go play with Daddy and Sissy."

He sighs the sweet little baby sigh and finds my nipple. I meet Peeta's gaze, and growl, "Please sit down, at least until he finishes?"

They both sit, he in his usual spot, and Ella back in hers. "Do you want a bite, Daddy?" She asks.

He takes in our measly subs. Hers is half gone, mine still waiting. He smiles a shy smile at me while he answers, "You go ahead and finish that. Can I get you anything else, Ella-Bella?"

By the way her eyes get that gleam in them, I know exactly what she is going to ask for, "Mac-cheese!"

Peeta and I both chuckle. He looks at me, well, the way he used to and I can't help my heart for flipping over. "Can I?" He asks shyly.

I nod. "You know—"

He stands and starts to walk past me, but pauses. He looks down at me, and I meet his eyes. He looks like he wants to say so many things, but he only says, "Can I make some for all of us?" instead.

I know in that moment that he is asking for the world. But all I can do is nod in reply, knowing that if I had to say anything in that moment, I would surely break.

Ella Rose follows him, saying in her sing-song voice, "Me coming too, Daddy."

Never to deny her anything, I see him out of the corner of my eye swoop her up into his arms. I only remotely pay attention to their words, content to watch instead. Toby popping off makes me look down. He has some milk drool happening and I wipe it off with my finger. He then grins at me, making my heart flip in a different way. I rest him against my shoulder, and start to pat his back.

I murmur, "I'm sorry," in his ear, the weight of stupid fights and sleepless nights heavy on my heart tonight. I didn't have to work when Ella was this little. It breaks my heart that I have to with him.

Peeta comes back to the table and smiles when he sees that we are done. He holds out his hands for his son, and once again, I'm unable to deny him anything. It was he who left after all, not sure what to do anymore. I hand Toby off to him, and warn him, "Easy now, he has a full tummy."

My son gurgles at his father, who makes a funny face at him. "Oh, yes. I remember, can't bounce him yet," He coos as he brings Toby in to kiss his chubby neck. "I've got them, if you want to change."

I glance down at the dirty forest service uniform. My old friend Madge offered me a job when she heard what had happened. "Thank you, Peeta." I don't take too long, just throwing on the pajama's I had on last night. I'm back in time to see Peeta draining the noodles, while Ella still dances around his feet, telling him everything that happened to her at her new school. Toby meanwhile bangs his spoon as he sits in his high chair and jabbers away.

He hears me and smiles in relief. "Can you—"

I nod, just knowing what he is going to ask before he does. I get the cheese and the milk out of the refrigerator while he gets the flour. It takes him no time to serve our children. I can't help but to be jealous of how easy he makes it look.

When we are all full, even Toby manages to get a couple of noodles in his eager mouth, we all help to clean up. Ella is proud that she gets to wipe the table.

By now, it's late, well late for us anyway. This is also about the time when Peeta has been leaving, but tonight he lingers instead. Toby is on my hip, but Ella is already running for the bathtub. With a whisper soft touch, he barely touches me, but asks, "Can we talk?"

I kiss my son's head, in an effort to hide how quickly my want and my tears betray me. "Can we?" I ask him back.

He steps closer, and I feel his lips on my temple. How I want to melt into his touch. "I've miss—"

Our baby girl comes barreling through the living room interrupting us. "Stay," I bid him.

The smile on his face as he says, "Always," is everything to me.

* * *

I rub my son's wispy white curls as his silver eyes drift shut. Then as softly as I can, I settle him in his crib. He sighs as he slips into deeper sleep and I cover him with his little blanket. I watch him for a long minute as I say a hopeful prayer. I couldn't tell you what exactly I'm praying for, but something good needs to happen.

I tiptoe out and meet Peeta in the hallway. "Is she asleep?" I ask.

He nods the same guilt I know so well written on his face. "She wanted to know if I would be here when she woke up."

I nod and walk past him, not wanting to hear anymore. He follows me back to the living room but I don't stop there, instead I head for the kitchen and ask over my shoulder, "Do you want some tea?"

He follows and gets our favorite mugs out of the cabinet. Before I can start the water, I feel him behind me. His presence fills me like nothing else ever has, or probably ever will. He doesn't touch me, but merely presses against me. I feel him undoing my braid. Once its all unwoven, he finger combs my hair. "You aren't being fair," I tease him.

He stills his movements. "What?"

"That feels so damn good," I whisper.

He is warm against my back and I can feel him nuzzling my ear. He doesn't touch me anywhere else, and doesn't have to when he says, "Dear God, how I've missed you."

I turn in his arms, blue meets silver as our eyes lock. We are barely touching, but I can feel him everywhere. I'm unable to stop myself as I lean closer to him and let my nose touch his. He must have reached his breaking point, because the next thing I know, he is grabbing me and pulling me flush against him. He claims my kiss and I moan into his mouth, the emotion of missing him, of needing him so much, flooding my senses. It's not until I taste salt that I realize that I'm crying. I break the kiss to see that it's his tears that we are tasting too.

It takes everything I have to push him away from me. He doesn't go far because I'm reaching for him. "We need to talk."

He nods and reaches for my hand, pulling me along as he leads me into the living room. We take our places on the couch, old habits telling us where to sit.

I'm unable to sit still. I get to my feet and start pacing. I know he's watching me. He's watched me ever since elementary school. "I'm not even sure where I should start. I know now that when I didn't feel myself bouncing back after Toby was born I should have said something. Anything, really. I should have done all of these other things, but I didn't." I take a shuddering breath, "Damn it, Peeta," I whisper harshly. "You weren't supposed to leave! But you did. You left me. When I needed you the most, you left."

It breaks my heart to see him dragging his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends. He is broken when he mutters, "I know, Katniss." He looks up at me finally and I can see the anguish on his face. "I fucked up. Badly. You don't know how many nights I wanted to come to you, to beat on the door until you let me back in." He stands up and gently grabs my arms. I want to melt into his embrace, but I hold back. "If you will let me, I will spend he rest of my life making it up to you."

He wipes my tears and I choke through them, "Please be patient with me."

He rests his forehead against mine. "I'm not leaving you again." He steals a kiss. "Never again, Kitten."

"You better not," I try to tease but my voice cracks anyway. His chuckle is a welcome sound to my tired heart. I release a shattering breath, and say, "Take me to bed Peeta."

He pauses for a moment. "Are you sure?" I nod and he sweeps me up into his arms. I had left the light in the bedroom on, and as soon he is through the door, he eases it shut with his arm. He takes me over to the bed, where he sets me on my feet.

We stand there just watching one another, when he begins, "I know these past couple of months have been just awful—"

I put my fingers over his moving lips, silencing him. "I should have told you how I was feeling. This is not your fault, it's not all mine either."

He cups my face and steals a kiss. "We will make it through. We will have bad days. But I promise you, together, our best days are ahead of us."

I grab his wrists, not to pull him away, but to keep him there. "I like that. The best is still to come."

We smile together. "I need you," I whisper.

"I want you," He whispers back. I step back away from him and he looks confused for a moment, until I eases my boxers down. When they reach my feet, I step out of them, only to kick them towards him, hitting him in the chest. I love the smirk that appears on his face. How I've missed seeing that.

I grin when he reaches for his buckle, and soon his pants are on the floor. I touch the hem of his white t-shirt, and he helps me to ease it over his head. It's only been a little over a month since he moved out, and he hasn't changed any, if at all, but I can tell the slight differences. He is thinner where he didn't use to be, and there is a new burn scar on his upper arm.

He doesn't give me a chance to say anything because he is reaching for my shirt. It soon joins the rest of the clothes on the floor. I glance down, and groan. As much as I wished for this, me wearing an old nursing bra didn't fit into the equation. My hands cover my breasts but he tsks. "Don't hide from me. You are so beautiful." He slides his finger under my strap, sliding it down over my shoulder and steps impossibly closer, making my breath shudder and my heart skip a beat.

For some reason, his simple admission, reaches me. So many words have been whispered, said, shouted even, but that is what reaches me. He can tell that something shifted, because he continues, "I am so lost without you." He nudges my nose with his, and with a butterfly whisper, he lightly steals a kiss. He says, as she rests his forehead against mine, "Please, Katniss. I can't—" he pauses for a moment and the sight of his tears on his eyelashes breaks me. "I can't. Not without you. I was a fool for thinking that leaving would fix this, fix us. All it did was break us. I need you Mrs. Mellark."

I sniff through my tears. "I need you more than I've ever needed anyone. I miss you holding me when we slept, I miss you kissing me, I miss you dancing in the kitchen with Ella and Toby." I laugh through my tears, "Don't you ever think about leaving me again." I pinch his side. "we take care of each other, remember?"

He kisses me, then with his lips still on mine, he says, "Ok, Mrs. Mellark." Before his tongue invades my mouth. My arms snake around his neck, and I stand on my tip toes to reach him. It's not until I sigh into his mouth that he wraps his arms around me. I can feel the clasp of my bra come lose, he breaks the kiss long enough to slide it to the floor.

We meet to continue our kiss, and he guides me back towards the bed until my knees bump the edge. That knocks me off balance, and we fall together onto the bed. I can't help but to giggle, and his deep chuckle let's me know that he is home to stay.

His kisses remind me that we belong together as he cups my breast. His touch trails down my body until he finds my curls. My hand finds his hardness and he shivers beside me. "Damn, Katniss." He swears as he rolls me over. He kisses my lips again and growls, "I'll have to make it up to you later." He lines himself up and slides inside of me. "It's been far too long."

I moan to agree with him because he is biting my nipple, rendering myself incapable of speech for the moment. I run my fingers through his hair, making him grunt while he starts to thrust his hips. When I finally draw a breath, on my exhale I say, "Fuck, Peeta."

He lets go of me long enough to smack his lips. "Your milk is as delicious as ever, dear."

I roll my eyes and grin at him. "Fuck me, please."

He grinds against me, this time catching my clit. "I aim to please, my dear." He begins to pump in earnest, making me gasp with my rushing orgasm. It's been too long, far too long and it's taking everything I have to chase after the endorphins rushing through my body.

The emotion washes over me, leaving me panting. Peeta grunts one last time, and I'm so high that I can't even understand what he is saying above me as he stills, while he is still inside me. He collapses on the bed, rolling us onto our sides so he stays buried deep inside of me.

It takes us both a minute to be able to find our words again and even then, we can't get anything past our lips but a simple 'I love you' and 'damn'. I'm not sure how long we lie there, but I know that I will never get enough of him. His touch, his gaze, his voice, even the way he smells. I say, "I want to stay here in this moment forever."

He kisses my forehead. "I'll allow it."

* * *

We must have dozed off, because the next thing I know, I can hear Toby is fussing over the monitor. I slowly start to get up, but Peeta pulls me back to his side. "Toby needs me."

Peeta opens his eyes. "Do you want me to go get him?"

"Thank you. It's up to you," I answer. He rolls out of the bed, while I get ready for Toby. I hear a happy giggle over the monitor, and say a silent thank you to the one who brought us together. My men come back to me, two blond heads bobbing in my direction.

The smaller one smacking his lips, reaching for me, and his father grins at me. In just a second, the short one is eating while his dad watches for a moment before he whispers, "Can I stay?"

I look up at him, dread creeping in even though I try to push it aside. I look down at the nursing baby and whisper, "Do you want to?"

He sits down beside me, and lifts my chin with his knuckle. "I never want to leave your side again. I can get dressed at the bakery in the morning."

I nod. "Are you moving back home?"

He nods. "I want to."

I smile, and it feels like the sun has just come out after a rainy day. "I'll allow it."

* * *

End note… this is a story that started because I wanted to explore writing them fighting. Then I needed a reason… so then came the idea for Katniss having postpartum depression. So while she is very upset that Peeta couldn't help her more, many don't know how to help a new mom when she feels this way. For Peeta, he left as a reaction to something Katniss may have done a couple of months earlier. Life is not perfect, and if anyone knows this, these two do. I like to think from this point, Katniss along with Peeta's support, is going to talk to her doctors and getting the help that she needs.


End file.
